Aphorism of the Week

“Why do we work?”
“To live!”
“Why do we live?”
“To, uh… work…”
“Um, why?”
“Because if we didn’t work, we would think.”
“And that’s bad?”
“Yes, because we’d realize we don’t want to work…”
“…And?”
“…And we don’t want to live…”

Upliftion

Feeling up? Got a bounce in your step? Are you happy for no reason at all? Are you blind to the world around you? Able to elevate little things (like sunshine on your face) past the mountains of suffering surrounding you?

You may be suffering from upliftion.

But don’t worry. Upliftion is a common condition. In fact, much of the world suffers from it. The important thing is to remember that you’re not alone. Just link hands with those like you and continue perpetuating the world as it is.

Symptoms of upliftion include:
– Feelings of hope or optimism
– Feelings of meaning, purpose, and worthwhileness
– Heightened interest in utterly mundane activities
– A passion for work, a desire to work, work, and then work some more
– Difficulties in thinking about deep things
– Able to blissfully sleep through the night
– Unexplainable smiles or bursts of laughter
– Thoughts of anti-suicide or suicide prevention
– Frequent thoughts of extending life or producing more

You may face a greater risk of upliftion if you:
– Have a family history of upliftion
– Have never set foot outside of your neighborhood
– Are deeply religious
– Never take the time to think about or question life
– Have a life full of distractions

Many people suffering from upliftion never seek treatment. And neither should you! The best course of action you can take is to infect as many people as possible. After all, if everyone closes their eyes, the world will magically become a better place!